The war on women

There is a so-called "war on women" going on today around the globe.  There are many reasons for this and the following is not to say that women are to blame. Instead it is to provoke thought about how things are, how men may see things, and how things must change. 

 I would posit that a good part of the backlash against women is from the way males feel they no longer have the hegemony they have been used to for so long under patriarchy.  Of course this will be painful and uncomfortable for them but in order for things to be equal, the Women's Movement and the expression of the Divine Feminine had to happen.  A short look at how a few changes have affected men may be helpful.

For example, women still have all-female enclaves (baby showers, bridal showers, and other all-female activities) but all-male activities and groups have been forced to include women. There has been a noticable uptick in men wanting their own space (can we say "man-cave?") to be with just men. When I was a kid, there were men-only clubs but the Women's Movement changed all that and not for the better I would chance to say.

There has also been a notable change in the nightly sitcoms wherein males are now depicted as bumbling fools compared to the females in the programs. As one guy I know said, "Look at the representations of men in prime-time television; they are either violent and sexist or they are stupid fools falling all over wise women. That is what my son has to look at?" This means that even progressive men are feeling a sense of marginalization.


Many progressive men, the kind who are very sensitive to women's needs and feelings, are getting frustrated with the games women play with them. They chafe at the "men are all pigs" labels and feel they are being judged by the bad apples when they are not themselves behaving like that.

Conversely, many men are labelled with the "nice guy" moniker but that is a death-knell for getting anywhere sexually or romantically. As one guy put it to me, "The nice guys are treated like wimps by women who seem to date the rude, sexist, and controlling guys. If a guy is nice, people accuse him of being gay and women will avoid him. So some guys change and start being assholes just to get a date."

This is where men are today and it is not a comfortable position in which to occupy.

What can be done to make things better?  In our effort to become equal, women have set the male as the default instead of elevating the feminine as equal.  Women pushed for the ability to do and be what males have done and been.  Yet who pushed for traditionally female activities,  such as mothering and caretaking, to be elevated and valued as equal?  Where was the rush to give mothers their social safety nets for the contribution in human capital development that they do?   Would we women need to push so hard into male territory if we valued traditional female activities equally?  I think not.   

It is time to back off and allow men their all-male enclaves and space.  It is time to elevate the feminine mothering to equal status so everyone supports that with real actions such as social safety nets and social supports for women who opt for full time, at home mothering as a career choice. 

For those things to happen, there will have to be a huge paradigm shift from greed, profit, and personal gain to a focus instead on social and generational gains.  A long-term, delayed gratification, investment-in-future-human-capital  ideology will have to be made.  If this shift were to happen, equal but different would be the way of thinking and both genders might feel better about where they stand in society.

More is better?

 Some people seem content with their lives and themselves for the most part and others seem to have an inner restlessness and neediness. 

When I was growing up, my brother and I were very different.  I was happy with what I had, with the attention I got from our parents and with life in general for the most part.  He was never satisfied with what he got, with the attention he was given and with his life in general.  This made him restless, jealous, unhappy and malcontent all the time.  If our mother gave us two cookies, I was happy to get two cookies but he argued for more.  If she spent time with him and gave him attention, he needed more.  He needed so much that she often felt exhausted by his needs and said that out loud.

This is not totally a learned trait.  I know this because I see it in my own children.  One is a lot like my brother; no matter how much attention or things she gets, she seems to need more.  The other is contented and happy with herself and her life.   I fear the first  will never be happy.  People like that are never satisfied no matter how much they have or how much attention they get.  There are arguments which say  that such people are the ones who do great things because they are not content  with things as they are.  Perhaps that is so but at what personal, happiness price do they accomplish such things?

As a parent, I wish happiness for my children.  Of course I know they will not be happy all the time but what parent would wish to sit back and see their child suffer unhappiness?  I cannot do anything about it but I wish there were some way to help.

Some people are not malcontent but ADD.  ADD causes people to be restless and  always seeking novelty to reduce boredom.  

Malcontents and ADD folks not only feel unhappy, they often induce unhappiness in others.  When a malcontent or ADD person   marries a contented, non-ADD  person, there can be problems.  The malcontent/ADD  may desire location changes a lot or job changes or partner changes.  This causes a lot of misery for the contented partner and the children because children need stability.

Too often, a malcontent/ADD person marries a contented person because opposites attract and the contented person is not as likely to leave or cheat.  The contented person ends up hurt because the malcontent/ADD person never seems satisfied no matter what the contented person is or does.  It is really important for the contented person to realize that it isn't them;  they cannot make their malcomtented/ADD partner happy.

Malcontents and ADD people  have to be made responsible for their actions; especially those which are harmful to others such as cheating.  The old "if you love me you will let me" is bullshit and the worst kind of emotional manipulation.  Using ADD or malcontent as an excuse is not healthy.  People get hurt, children get damaged and the malcontent/ADD person should be able to consider others' needs as well as their own and work for balance.

Our society helps induce a sense of malcontent.  The media plays a role in this because people are told they would be happier if they bought this product or lived this lifestyle when in fact, the opposite is usually true.  We are surrounded by messages that tell us we never have enough; enough money, time, attention, sex, love, house, prestige, etc.   So even if a person is not genetically malcontent or ADD, they still may act like that due to social conditioning which was designed to sell products and promote consumption.

This way of socializing people begins in childhood and is a non-stop bombardment throughout life.  Between this bombardment and the social message that the individual is all-important (as opposed to the group or family); we have become a culture of malcontents.  The fallout is that our children are damaged and unhappy.

Whether it is from genetics or socialization, the malcontent has to stop or at least be managed better.  Our families, relationships, and especially our kids need a better way to live.

Social values

The riots in Great Britain speak to me on a visceral level.  They are the voiceless and unheard poor and disenfranchised finally rising up and fairly screaming to be heard.  They have had enough of a set of social values that basically say that if you are without money you are to blame and are somehow inferior to anyone who has been "blessed" with money.   If you re poor, you have no value as a human being;  this is the overriding message of capitalism and religion in the West.  Helping the poor is seen as a weakness; we applaud it with our mouths while we kick the homeless out of their homes for lack of a job or money.  We downgrade an individual's credit score for being unable to pay her bills on time even when that was caused by a greedy corporation laying her off.  Why doesn't the corporation, the shareholder,  have their credit score downgraded for causing the worker to lose their ability to pay?  We punish the innocent and glorify the villain.  We claim to follow a man we call The Christ while doing the opposite of his purported teachings.  


No one is willing to really SEE that these things are the symptom of a disease called capitalism; which is an ideology of every-man-for-himself but white men get everything.  
Let's blame the victim for his or her calamity.  The average human being has allowed those who own everything and who control everything to incite us into fighting amongst ourselves for the crumbs they leave us (begrudgingly as best) in order to divide and conquer and keep us so busy scrabbling about gay marriage or abortion so as to miss their thievery.  They have us brainwashed into believing that if we work hard enough, we can be like them, rich and powerful.  So people actually argue to preserve the rich and their way of life because secretly, they hope to be just as nasty, rich, and powerful as their masters are.  They in essence have allowed the wealthy controlling class to dictate their values and what values they are:  money over humanity, profits over people,  power over  compassion.  In essence, people want to BE the very thing they say despise:  rich, greedy, powerful, and ruthless.  What is it in humanity that makes us so?    


Somewhere in our genetic code there are genes programmed for survival.  Yet on those genes I would guess there are markers which cause us to be greedy, grasping, and ruthless toward our fellow human beings.  We have learned to temper those urges because we found through the ages that we all survive better in a group than living solo but the urges are still there.  These urges rear their ugly heads  and we seem unable to stop them.  We are even our own undoing because so many of us never learn compassion when we experience harm;  instead we lash out first and never develop empathy.


The very thing several historical avatars (Christ, and others) promoted; compassion and caring for one another, has been perverted in the name of feel-good, prosperity religions who enjoy excluding anyone they feel is unacceptable.  How is this Western concept of Christianity any different from the banned but still practiced caste system in India?  Generations of people are born into the belief system and propagate it with high birth rates and fervor.   Yet they scream that they are persecuted.  


When will humanity figure out that we share the same DNA, have the same desires and needs, and need each other more than we need to be rich and powerful? 


I have seen in my own family the results of someone placing money above all else.  My sibling makes about $20,000 a month.  He has made making money his prime goal in life and now he is realizing that his kids are not doing well.  His oldest was on drugs and got pregnant; her baby was born addicted to methadone.  His second child collects shoes and never thinks of the less fortunate.  His third child had OCD and bi-polar from the time he was a child; he is on medications and still has issues in school and at home.  His fourth child is ok for now but his foster child was running away and having oral sex at 15 years old.  He sent her back to her family where she is probably on the streets as an under age prostitute.  None of his kids value education, the environment, charity, or helping others.  He was raised to value education and charity but he placed money first and as such his kids think of nothing else because they have everything, every new gadget that comes on the market.  He suffers because the first born was in and out of jail and has psychiatric problems and behavior issues.  Now he is almost 40 and regretting things but he still doesn't see that his focus on money os not the best way to be.  


My other sibling also focused on money and he had a terrible accident which left him with a lot of money but physically unable to enjoy it.  He died of an overdose of pain killers at age 50.  


Money is ok but we as a society need to stop valuing it and start valuing each other.  We need to value caring, compassion, the environment and each other, no matter what color, religion, nationality, or class status. But we must not be fool enough to think we have to be all nice and sweet;  those who have power over us are like pigs wallowing in their own muddy values. Sometimes the only way to get a pig to understand you is to get down and dirty where he is at and speak in his language.  Doing so doesn't make you "as bad as he is" because you will not remain there; you only do it to get his attention.  That's what the rioters are doing; their ruthlessness is speaking the same language as the heartless wealthy puppeteers who wantonly destroy lives in pursuit of their own agenda.  We all must speak their language to get their attention and once we have it, we must send the message clear and home that we will no longer live by those misplaced values.  And we will no longer allow them to live that way either. 

The American Dream?

People these days, especially the Tea Party folks, are talking about "taking back our government and the American Dream."  They seem to think that social programs like universal health care will destroy the American Dream.  The problem is, they don't realize that the American Dream has already been eroded beyond their ability to understand it.  The American Dream was always to be able to open your own business, grow it and eventually become wealthy; this was the promise of democratic capitalism.  Little do most people realize that this dream is no longer available to most Americans and it is not because of "too much government"  or "too much regulation"  or "social programs."  It is because the huge and powerful corporation owners and shareholders have skewed the business playing field to benefit them and only them. 


When I was a kid in the 1960's, government regulation meant that big corporations paid 29% of all the taxes in America;  now de-regulation has allowed them to pay between 0% and 5% of all taxes.  Instead, small businesses now pay HIGHER taxes than big corporations. What's more, Big Oil, Big Pharma and many other big companies enjoy government "subsidies"  or better words for these  would be "corporate welfare."  These corporations have so taken over our government that they now get the laws they want and skew things to such a degree that the American dream of owning your own business and growing it into personal wealth has fallen to the wayside.


Small businesses as a group are the largest employers in this country yet they pay the highest taxes of all businesses and are government regulated to death, literally.  More small businesses fail within the first five years than ever before and the owners lose, their employees lose, we ALL lose.    


When will Americans wake up and realize that it isn't Obama, socialism, government regulation, universal healthcare, or big government that is stealing their American Dream; it is the big corporations and they need to be stopped?


Most Americans are too busy fighting about things like gay marriage, abortion and prayer in schools to realize that these polarizing issues were fed to us to divide us so we won't fight to get back the American Dream from the big corporations.  Divide and conquer, make people fearful with TV programs that spout doom and gloom, get people to believe in scarcity and they will fight like hungry wolves over everything.  Keep them busy fighting and tearing each other down;  keep them busy watching denigrating,  competitive television shows  so they don't see how their American Dream has been stolen from them.  Anesthetize them with superfluous and mindless "entertainment"  that dumbs them down and polarizes them. 


How do we stop this corporate robbery?  That's easier than anyone would think.  We the people vote and if we gather together instead of allowing those big media and corporate folks to divide us over polarizing issues, we can rise up and vote out every incumbent in office.  We can notify congress that each newly voted in senator or representative will only get six years to do the jobs we voted them in for;  two to get their feet wet, two to get some work done, and two to wrap things up.  After that, we elect new people and start the six years over again.  We TELL each newly elected congressperson that WE are imposing TERM LIMITS on them and then we STICK TO THAT. We tell them that we impose these term limits so they spend their time getting the work done that WE want them to do instead of pandering to special interests to get re-elected. We tell them that if they still pander to corporate and special interest groups, we will not even give them six years; we will vote them out sooner.   This means WE have to stop being complacent and  take responsibility for keeping track of each newly elected person and  re-elect them to the point that they get six years in and ONLY six years. 


The next thing we can do is STOP SPENDING.  Hop off the consumption conveyor belt and only buy what you absolutely need.  Use recycled things (shop at thrift and used goods stores) swap things (use freecycle online for that) and get good at being careful with what you do have.  Be less wasteful.  If we all stop spending, yes, some more people will be left with no jobs but as we get more self sufficient at growing our own food, recycling and reusing things, living simpler, being frugal, it will hurt us less if we do lose our jobs.
Big corporations will have to hear us because we will rob them by attrition of what they value most; MONEY.  Hit their bottom line and they will finally hear us roar.


If every American stopped wrapping themselves in some polarizing position and started doing this, imagine the changes we could make!
It is time for ALL of us to arise from our stupor of the past decades and work for the government we deserve and  stop the corporate take over via attrition. 

Stop Corporate America's Greed

How many of us have written or called our congresspersons and tried to get them to see that we must have a public option or universal health care?  How many of us have picketed, marched, written articles to newspapers, written media outlets, passed out pamphlets, carried signs, pasted on bumperstickers, written President Obama and congress to stop the war, give us universal health care,  regulate corporations and the banking industry...all to no avail?    Do you feel like nothing we do makes any headway with those in power in Washington?  Even voting doesn't seem to work anymore; our own party members have turned against us.

I am here to tell you there is something you CAN do and it won't cost you a dime.  STOP spending.  That's right, stop buying stuff, stop spending money.  Barter, buy used at thrift stores and yard sales, make do, live without, grow food in a community garden, help your neighbors, use freecycle, live with family or let them live with you and pool your resources, dry your clothes on a line, use less electricity, drive less. Take all your money out of the bank and put it in a credit union or even in a safe in your home.   If we stop consuming and take our money back, we can bring corporate America and the banks to their knees.  It will be painful at first because more jobs will be lost but the more we help each other, the more simply we live, the less those lost jobs will impact us.  We CAN affect change through attrition.  Cut corporate America and the banks off where it counts...in their bottom line, their PROFITS.  Make NO loans, buy nothing for Christmas, have Buy-Nothing birthday parties at home with friends,  make it a contest to see how much you can get for free or at used places.   Have neighborhood  freecycle parties where you don't buy anything to have the party, you all can walk to it, and you get to know your neighbors. 

After all, as we get used to living with less and make human connections and support networks, the less we have the less they can harm us because we will have the most important thing of all, each other and our dignity. 

Do it now.  Stop buying, stop consuming.  If it isn't a necessity, don't buy it.  There's power in attrition.  We can be the "mouse that roars."