Showing posts with label empathy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label empathy. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The self-help distraction.

You know, sometimes I hate being the happy, bandwagon bubble popper but I can't help it. It is that Virgo rising I tell you. Does it every time.
I mean when I read some people extolling Byron Katie's "The Work," I looked it up to see. I read through it thoroughly and I liked it...to a point. Yet it smacks of the "end MY suffering," focus on self, me-me-me stuff the Boomers are so famous for. We have had decades of self-work and it has not served us as a society well because it is too self absorbed. All that self-work is a great way to keep us from looking outward and seeing what we can do to help others. As the Hopi note, life out of balance is not good and self-absorption that keeps us from helping others is a way of being out of balance.

Another one is the Abraham-Hicks ideology that says the universe wants to give you anything you want but you have to be open to receiving it. That's a nice idea...except it is just another "blame the individual for their misfortune" disguised-as-a-self-help program. After all, it is too easy to blame you if you don't get what you desire because obviously the universe wants you to have it but you were not open enough to get it. That's bullshit. That completely misses the part where sometimes, the universe doesn't want you to get everything you want because you grow more when you do without.

The idea that ending self suffering is a good thing sounds good, at first,  but suffering teaches us compassion, patience, tolerance, and empathy. To end self suffering means to end learning all that and I don't see that as a good thing. There will always be suffering and not just because each person who suffers has not done "The Work." By that ideology, the starving child in Somalia should just stop believing they are starving and they will be happier? What a convenient, upper class ideology to absolve us from having to help the starving kid! Let's get real shall we?  Time to stop distracting ourselves with our selves and get to work helping others.   That may not feel as easy or good but life worth living is not easy;  but it is  satisfying. 

 

Friday, August 12, 2011

Social values

The riots in Great Britain speak to me on a visceral level.  They are the voiceless and unheard poor and disenfranchised finally rising up and fairly screaming to be heard.  They have had enough of a set of social values that basically say that if you are without money you are to blame and are somehow inferior to anyone who has been "blessed" with money.   If you re poor, you have no value as a human being;  this is the overriding message of capitalism and religion in the West.  Helping the poor is seen as a weakness; we applaud it with our mouths while we kick the homeless out of their homes for lack of a job or money.  We downgrade an individual's credit score for being unable to pay her bills on time even when that was caused by a greedy corporation laying her off.  Why doesn't the corporation, the shareholder,  have their credit score downgraded for causing the worker to lose their ability to pay?  We punish the innocent and glorify the villain.  We claim to follow a man we call The Christ while doing the opposite of his purported teachings.  


No one is willing to really SEE that these things are the symptom of a disease called capitalism; which is an ideology of every-man-for-himself but white men get everything.  
Let's blame the victim for his or her calamity.  The average human being has allowed those who own everything and who control everything to incite us into fighting amongst ourselves for the crumbs they leave us (begrudgingly as best) in order to divide and conquer and keep us so busy scrabbling about gay marriage or abortion so as to miss their thievery.  They have us brainwashed into believing that if we work hard enough, we can be like them, rich and powerful.  So people actually argue to preserve the rich and their way of life because secretly, they hope to be just as nasty, rich, and powerful as their masters are.  They in essence have allowed the wealthy controlling class to dictate their values and what values they are:  money over humanity, profits over people,  power over  compassion.  In essence, people want to BE the very thing they say despise:  rich, greedy, powerful, and ruthless.  What is it in humanity that makes us so?    


Somewhere in our genetic code there are genes programmed for survival.  Yet on those genes I would guess there are markers which cause us to be greedy, grasping, and ruthless toward our fellow human beings.  We have learned to temper those urges because we found through the ages that we all survive better in a group than living solo but the urges are still there.  These urges rear their ugly heads  and we seem unable to stop them.  We are even our own undoing because so many of us never learn compassion when we experience harm;  instead we lash out first and never develop empathy.


The very thing several historical avatars (Christ, and others) promoted; compassion and caring for one another, has been perverted in the name of feel-good, prosperity religions who enjoy excluding anyone they feel is unacceptable.  How is this Western concept of Christianity any different from the banned but still practiced caste system in India?  Generations of people are born into the belief system and propagate it with high birth rates and fervor.   Yet they scream that they are persecuted.  


When will humanity figure out that we share the same DNA, have the same desires and needs, and need each other more than we need to be rich and powerful? 


I have seen in my own family the results of someone placing money above all else.  My sibling makes about $20,000 a month.  He has made making money his prime goal in life and now he is realizing that his kids are not doing well.  His oldest was on drugs and got pregnant; her baby was born addicted to methadone.  His second child collects shoes and never thinks of the less fortunate.  His third child had OCD and bi-polar from the time he was a child; he is on medications and still has issues in school and at home.  His fourth child is ok for now but his foster child was running away and having oral sex at 15 years old.  He sent her back to her family where she is probably on the streets as an under age prostitute.  None of his kids value education, the environment, charity, or helping others.  He was raised to value education and charity but he placed money first and as such his kids think of nothing else because they have everything, every new gadget that comes on the market.  He suffers because the first born was in and out of jail and has psychiatric problems and behavior issues.  Now he is almost 40 and regretting things but he still doesn't see that his focus on money os not the best way to be.  


My other sibling also focused on money and he had a terrible accident which left him with a lot of money but physically unable to enjoy it.  He died of an overdose of pain killers at age 50.  


Money is ok but we as a society need to stop valuing it and start valuing each other.  We need to value caring, compassion, the environment and each other, no matter what color, religion, nationality, or class status. But we must not be fool enough to think we have to be all nice and sweet;  those who have power over us are like pigs wallowing in their own muddy values. Sometimes the only way to get a pig to understand you is to get down and dirty where he is at and speak in his language.  Doing so doesn't make you "as bad as he is" because you will not remain there; you only do it to get his attention.  That's what the rioters are doing; their ruthlessness is speaking the same language as the heartless wealthy puppeteers who wantonly destroy lives in pursuit of their own agenda.  We all must speak their language to get their attention and once we have it, we must send the message clear and home that we will no longer live by those misplaced values.  And we will no longer allow them to live that way either. 







Thursday, March 18, 2010

Stop the Wheel....

I read a phrase in Robert Anton Wilson's book "Cosmic Trigger."  The phrase was "stop the wheel"  meaning we can stop the wheel of karma.  What he meant by that was despite the things that are done to us, we can "stop the wheel"  and not spread the negativity.  Instead, we have the power to re-shape the way things will happen by what we do.  I took that very literally and from that time on (I was 18 when I read that book)  I stopped the wheel whenever I could. 

For example;  if I was working and my co-worker snapped at me, instead of snapping back at them or snapping at someone else (the "shit rolls downhill"  paradigm)  I would say "Sounds like things are being difficult for you today."  They would stop for a second and then they would tell me the trouble they were having.  I would then  validate them by saying how I was sorry that happened to them and that I hoped their day got better.  It was amazing;  the same person that seconds ago bit my head off and was ready to bite everyone's head off after me was calmed down and went on their way without biting anyone else's head off.  People have told me that means I was being a "doormat"  to the angry person but I saw it as having the power to change their perception and their attitude without pressuring them into that.  I saw it as spreading joy instead of angst, helping them out instead of spreading the anger.  What power we have! 

Every day, we all have moments like that; the sarcastic bank teller, the grumpy waiter, the person in line complaining.  We can choose to allow it to continue by either snapping back or passing it on OR we can have the tremendous power to completely alter things for the better.

I want to be remembered for spreading joy;  being a joy-giver instead of a joy-taker.  My friend, Rachell, coined that name, "joy-giver"  and I like it.  Imagine what would happen if we ALL did that...if we all stopped the wheel of negativity and became joy-givers.  Just do it.