Tuesday, September 11, 2012

9-11 thoughts.....

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It is 9-11. While most of the time I abhor the constant rhetoric about this day and the barrage of news reports that whip us into that fearful place; I also remember.

I remember being pregnant with my only son and being awakened by my husband only to see the awful pictures. I remember a feeling of stunned horror stealing over me. I remember sending the kids to school (we lived across from their school back then) in a kind of daze. I remember the clips shown over and over again.


I sat there in shock, feeling a horrible numbness and a feeling that everything I ever knew had changed but I couldn't imagine how it had changed. I wondered why I felt that stunned numbness.

Then the guy from Cantor Fitzgerald came on. He was the face of grief for me. His was the voice of all the anguish and fear and horror and deep grief I could not feel because of the shock. It was when he shakenly talked about the 700 families of the people who were in that building; the  wives, husbands, children, siblings, parents, grandparents who would be affected by the loss...that's when the grief slammed into me and I began to cry in huge, gasping, wrenching sobs. This man could see beyond just the victims (and I don't say "just" to belittle them) to the hundreds of families and friends who would suffer as a result of the horrific death of all those people. The motherless and fatherless children; the spouses missing their mates, the parents missing their grown children; he could see all of them and their collective grief and I FELT that deep within me. It was so horrible, the magnitude of the losses.


Months later I had my son and when he was around 3 or 4 years old, I read an obscure article about the babies born to mothers who were pregnant on 9-11. Physicians and preschool teachers and parents noticed that these children have  unnatural and often times irrational  fears that they have no explanation for. My son fears everything far more than his sisters ever did. Physicians attributed this hyper-fearfulness to the wash of hormones from the constant fear and grief that the then-pregnant mothers experienced; these hormones actually altered the brain chemistry of these babies.


My son is 10 years old now and he still fears things that other kids not born after 9-11 seem to take in stride.


That day changed so much and not for the better. The freedoms we have given up out of the fear of that day have enormous repercussions. We have allowed surveillance into our personal lives like never before.  We have spent billions on unnecessary wars that could have instead gone to build infrastructure and educate and help our population's children and the less fortunate among us.  We have tortured and murdered hundreds of thousands of innocent people for greed because of the 9-11 excuse. All for an attack we are not even certain was actually from an outside terrorist force.  It might have been done by our own government leaders to whip us up into a fearful frenzy; ready to accept any manner of loss of freedom and murderous intent.  We really don't know and it is this deep  uncertainty that  is making it very difficult to heal and move on.  There's been no real justice. 
 
The karmic reparation for all the innocent lives lost here and abroad will come.

We must honor the losses of that day and remind ourselves that for those people who died that day  and afterward  to have a purpose, to have honor, we must fight for the freedoms we have lost and work to bring back the country they once knew.  We must work to prevent the killing and wars.  We must rise up in peace and love  and change our world.

In rememberance and hope....

For today, the anniversary of 9-11, I have this to share from my youngest daughter, KiaraShe posted this to my Facebook wall and I have to share it because it is stunningly beautiful:

"Go to this link: http://www.rainymood.com/
 


Then in another tab (while the first one is still playing) listen to this on youtube. It is absolutely beautiful.

 
It is hearing them play together that is so awesome! 
Kiara is 17 years old.