There is a so-called "war on women" going on today around the globe. There are many reasons for this and the following is not to say that women are to blame. Instead it is to provoke thought about how things are, how men may see things, and how things must change.
I would posit that a good part of the backlash against women is from the way males feel they no longer have the hegemony they have been used to for so long under patriarchy. Of course this will be painful and uncomfortable for them but in order for things to be equal, the Women's Movement and the expression of the Divine Feminine had to happen. A short look at how a few changes have affected men may be helpful.
For example, women still have all-female enclaves (baby showers, bridal showers, and other all-female activities) but all-male activities and groups have been forced to include women. There has been a noticable uptick in men wanting their own space (can we say "man-cave?") to be with just men. When I was a kid, there were men-only clubs but the Women's Movement changed all that and not for the better I would chance to say.
There has also been a notable change in the nightly sitcoms wherein males are now depicted as bumbling fools compared to the females in the programs. As one guy I know said, "Look at the representations of men in prime-time television; they are either violent and sexist or they are stupid fools falling all over wise women. That is what my son has to look at?" This means that even progressive men are feeling a sense of marginalization.
Many progressive men, the kind who are very sensitive to women's needs and feelings, are getting frustrated with the games women play with them. They chafe at the "men are all pigs" labels and feel they are being judged by the bad apples when they are not themselves behaving like that.
Conversely, many men are labelled with the "nice guy" moniker but that is a death-knell for getting anywhere sexually or romantically. As one guy put it to me, "The nice guys are treated like wimps by women who seem to date the rude, sexist, and controlling guys. If a guy is nice, people accuse him of being gay and women will avoid him. So some guys change and start being assholes just to get a date."
This is where men are today and it is not a comfortable position in which to occupy.
What can be done to make things better? In our effort to become equal, women have set the male as the default instead of elevating the feminine as equal. Women pushed for the ability to do and be what males have done and been. Yet who pushed for traditionally female activities, such as mothering and caretaking, to be elevated and valued as equal? Where was the rush to give mothers their social safety nets for the contribution in human capital development that they do? Would we women need to push so hard into male territory if we valued traditional female activities equally? I think not.
It is time to back off and allow men their all-male enclaves and space. It is time to elevate the feminine mothering to equal status so everyone supports that with real actions such as social safety nets and social supports for women who opt for full time, at home mothering as a career choice.
For those things to happen, there will have to be a huge paradigm shift from greed, profit, and personal gain to a focus instead on social and generational gains. A long-term, delayed gratification, investment-in-future-human-capital ideology will have to be made. If this shift were to happen, equal but different would be the way of thinking and both genders might feel better about where they stand in society.
I would posit that a good part of the backlash against women is from the way males feel they no longer have the hegemony they have been used to for so long under patriarchy. Of course this will be painful and uncomfortable for them but in order for things to be equal, the Women's Movement and the expression of the Divine Feminine had to happen. A short look at how a few changes have affected men may be helpful.
For example, women still have all-female enclaves (baby showers, bridal showers, and other all-female activities) but all-male activities and groups have been forced to include women. There has been a noticable uptick in men wanting their own space (can we say "man-cave?") to be with just men. When I was a kid, there were men-only clubs but the Women's Movement changed all that and not for the better I would chance to say.
There has also been a notable change in the nightly sitcoms wherein males are now depicted as bumbling fools compared to the females in the programs. As one guy I know said, "Look at the representations of men in prime-time television; they are either violent and sexist or they are stupid fools falling all over wise women. That is what my son has to look at?" This means that even progressive men are feeling a sense of marginalization.
Many progressive men, the kind who are very sensitive to women's needs and feelings, are getting frustrated with the games women play with them. They chafe at the "men are all pigs" labels and feel they are being judged by the bad apples when they are not themselves behaving like that.
Conversely, many men are labelled with the "nice guy" moniker but that is a death-knell for getting anywhere sexually or romantically. As one guy put it to me, "The nice guys are treated like wimps by women who seem to date the rude, sexist, and controlling guys. If a guy is nice, people accuse him of being gay and women will avoid him. So some guys change and start being assholes just to get a date."
This is where men are today and it is not a comfortable position in which to occupy.
What can be done to make things better? In our effort to become equal, women have set the male as the default instead of elevating the feminine as equal. Women pushed for the ability to do and be what males have done and been. Yet who pushed for traditionally female activities, such as mothering and caretaking, to be elevated and valued as equal? Where was the rush to give mothers their social safety nets for the contribution in human capital development that they do? Would we women need to push so hard into male territory if we valued traditional female activities equally? I think not.
It is time to back off and allow men their all-male enclaves and space. It is time to elevate the feminine mothering to equal status so everyone supports that with real actions such as social safety nets and social supports for women who opt for full time, at home mothering as a career choice.
For those things to happen, there will have to be a huge paradigm shift from greed, profit, and personal gain to a focus instead on social and generational gains. A long-term, delayed gratification, investment-in-future-human-capital ideology will have to be made. If this shift were to happen, equal but different would be the way of thinking and both genders might feel better about where they stand in society.
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