An aquaintence recently started ragging on about people that are not working who get government welfare and fat tax refunds. She was upset because she and her husband had to pay more taxes this year than the last while some unemployed people are getting welfare and tax refunds paid for by her taxes. She said those welfare people are making a "lifestyle choice" and was saying they should be cut off from their government help. She went further and said student loans should go directly to the school and that all students should be forced to live on campus.
She has never been laid off nor has her husband so she has NO CLUE what the double digit unemployment means to real people in this country that are having to try to feed and clothe themselves and their children. She is one of the many lucky people that have had it fairly easy. Because they have not suffered the job losses and downsizing, these lucky people have a lack of compassion. They are unwilling to see that they are lucky; instead they have a sense of superiority that is unfounded. They are just LUCKY and that's it. Luck is an unfair thing and people in this country are unwilling to admit that they have luck because we have been brainwashed from birth to believe that "you can make your own destiny." That is the biggest lie; right up there with the "be yourself" lie.
It is time for those lies to STOP. People that are successful are not successful only because of hard work and effort; if that were so millions more people would be successful than actually are. People that are unsuccessful are not so because they are inherently lazy or flawed; they aren't. The truth is, hard work is not always rewarded; I have seen that and experienced that all my life. People like that aquaintence need a real hard awakening in life or they will never see. We are a nation that blames the very people that need help the most; we do that so we don't have to help them because people are greedy and stingy. People don't want to give. This is, unfortunately, the American way. That is unfortunate and a tragedy for those millions of families that are barely living and those that are homeless and hungry through no fault of their own.
The working poor comprise the largest segment of welfare recipients and there are even more working poor that don't qualify for welfare benefits because they "make too much" according to government poverty guidelines that never take into account the area in which they live or the differences in cost of living. These are the people that cannot "just move somewhere else affordable" because they have no savings. They don't make enough to cover all expenses so they have to decide between paying rent and feeding their kids. Even working two and three jobs doesn't cover daycare expenses, shelter, food, clothing, paper goods, gas and insurance or other transportation costs. I challenge people like that aquaintence to live on the government poverty level income with her two kids and see if she can do it. I know she can't.
If this aquaintence would just educate herself, she might realize that for the majority of welfare recipients, it is not a "lifestyle choice" for who would choose to see their kids go hungry or without health care or without the basics?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
parents can be painful....or how Chiron return hurts
:::emotional rant font on:::::Today I had the usual long mental list of what I should be doing: making lessons for my son, working on my online assignments for my classes, getting the mail out, writing a thank you note, writing my credit union board in the hopes they wouldn't close the local branch and more. Instead, I find myself having crying jags. It comes from a deep wound from my past that has resurfaced.
I was always the empathic kid that didn't ask for anything..the youngest child until I was 12 and then the middle child and only girl. I am the classic guilted daughter. Last year, my father informed me that if his wife passes on before him, he will give me half of everything he has when he goes and the other half would go to her son. Her son is already the executor if his will. Her son has no children; I have my father's only acknowledged four grandchildren (I say acknowledged because he adopted my younger half-brother but refuses to call him son now that he is grown). That means my kids, his only grand kids will get less than what her son gets because he would get half of my Dad's money and property plus the nice big chunk executors get (and my grandmother said that it will be a sizable chunk). In essence, her son will get more than his own flesh and blood only daughter. God that hurts. It isn't the first time my dad has hurt me. This hurts far more than it would have were I childless. I don't care for myself, I care because I have four children and between my grandmother (his mom) and my dad, there will be a sizable inheritance.
I know why he is doing this...it is to please his wife. The same wife that is so unwilling to share him that he missed my older brother's wedding (that brother passed away in 2008), my wedding, my younger brother's wedding, and my older brother's funeral. He has seen his only grandchildren a handful of times and only two of those times were because he made the efort to see them. When he calls me, she interjects into his conversation with me over and over as though she resents even the small amount of time he is giving to me about once a month. I don't make any demands on him or his wife or their time. I have never even seen the home they live in because they never invite me and when I asked long ago if I can visit (because I thought I should let him see his grandkids) the excuse is always "she is not well....we just don't know if she will be up to a visit" yet my sister-in-law visited a few weeks ago on a whim and was welcomed with open arms. If it wouldn't hurt my grandmother (whom I love beyond imagining) I would just stop dealing with him at all because of the hurt. I would have been better off if he had never told me. Then I could have my illusion that I wasn't going to get anything anyway and that would not have been so painful. I guess I should be grateful. After all, his money is a poor substitute for what I really wanted from him; his time and love.
Why can't I just let this go? I thought I could...for months since he told me I just wrote it off reminding myself I knew he would never give me anything anyway and I should be thankful that he even wants to give me anything at all. Somehow today it hit me all over again and the hurt slammed into me like a wrecking ball into my heart: he values her son more than he values me or his grandkids. I need a thicker heart-wall. :::sigh::::
I don't tell him because it would not do any good. I have told him before how much he hurt me and he apologized but didn't do anything to change his behavior so it is a waste of my time to even try. Having to deal with him is like scraping a raw wound sometimes. Both my parents say they love me but their actions are often not matching their words. One wants to have all my attention like an emotional vampire and the other is so stingy with his time that I feel abandoned. My compassionate mind knows they are just imperfect people, but the needy little kid they abadoned so cavalierly many years ago when they divorced...twice, dragging me and my siblings through their personal, self-centered agendas, still feels that abandonment.
::::emotional rant font off::::
The best thing is...my parents have taught me what NOT to be to my kids. I hope I am doing a better job than they did. My kids say I do but who knows how they will feel when they leave home someday and get other input.
I was always the empathic kid that didn't ask for anything..the youngest child until I was 12 and then the middle child and only girl. I am the classic guilted daughter. Last year, my father informed me that if his wife passes on before him, he will give me half of everything he has when he goes and the other half would go to her son. Her son is already the executor if his will. Her son has no children; I have my father's only acknowledged four grandchildren (I say acknowledged because he adopted my younger half-brother but refuses to call him son now that he is grown). That means my kids, his only grand kids will get less than what her son gets because he would get half of my Dad's money and property plus the nice big chunk executors get (and my grandmother said that it will be a sizable chunk). In essence, her son will get more than his own flesh and blood only daughter. God that hurts. It isn't the first time my dad has hurt me. This hurts far more than it would have were I childless. I don't care for myself, I care because I have four children and between my grandmother (his mom) and my dad, there will be a sizable inheritance.
I know why he is doing this...it is to please his wife. The same wife that is so unwilling to share him that he missed my older brother's wedding (that brother passed away in 2008), my wedding, my younger brother's wedding, and my older brother's funeral. He has seen his only grandchildren a handful of times and only two of those times were because he made the efort to see them. When he calls me, she interjects into his conversation with me over and over as though she resents even the small amount of time he is giving to me about once a month. I don't make any demands on him or his wife or their time. I have never even seen the home they live in because they never invite me and when I asked long ago if I can visit (because I thought I should let him see his grandkids) the excuse is always "she is not well....we just don't know if she will be up to a visit" yet my sister-in-law visited a few weeks ago on a whim and was welcomed with open arms. If it wouldn't hurt my grandmother (whom I love beyond imagining) I would just stop dealing with him at all because of the hurt. I would have been better off if he had never told me. Then I could have my illusion that I wasn't going to get anything anyway and that would not have been so painful. I guess I should be grateful. After all, his money is a poor substitute for what I really wanted from him; his time and love.
Why can't I just let this go? I thought I could...for months since he told me I just wrote it off reminding myself I knew he would never give me anything anyway and I should be thankful that he even wants to give me anything at all. Somehow today it hit me all over again and the hurt slammed into me like a wrecking ball into my heart: he values her son more than he values me or his grandkids. I need a thicker heart-wall. :::sigh::::
I don't tell him because it would not do any good. I have told him before how much he hurt me and he apologized but didn't do anything to change his behavior so it is a waste of my time to even try. Having to deal with him is like scraping a raw wound sometimes. Both my parents say they love me but their actions are often not matching their words. One wants to have all my attention like an emotional vampire and the other is so stingy with his time that I feel abandoned. My compassionate mind knows they are just imperfect people, but the needy little kid they abadoned so cavalierly many years ago when they divorced...twice, dragging me and my siblings through their personal, self-centered agendas, still feels that abandonment.
::::emotional rant font off::::
The best thing is...my parents have taught me what NOT to be to my kids. I hope I am doing a better job than they did. My kids say I do but who knows how they will feel when they leave home someday and get other input.
Imbolc
As it is Imbolc, which means "in the belly" I am starting this blog. My friends and even aquaintances have been at me for years to start a blog about my life and thoughts. I am turning 50 this month and so, with the "in the belly" seed-in-the-dark-earth in mind, I start. Just to make things interesting, I want to say that my posts will fall into several categories: daily living stuff, philosophical musings, political rantings, past reminescences, marriage and parenting issues, and emotional waves. Warning! There may even be outspoken sexual stuff, the occasional obscenity, and lots of opinion.
Imbolc always meant more to me than the lighting of candles. The phrase "in the belly" brings up all sorts of sexual, reproductive connotations about swelling, pregnant, bellies that resulted from passionate sexual enjoyment. (I HAD to start right off with the sex stuff, didn't I?) It is the dark of winter, when people have less light and babies are made. Just the thought of all that coupling in the dark and all that life force flowing makes me want to DO something or make something or create something. So, now that I am no longer doing childbearing, (though menopause has yet to start, damn!) I am still a creative person and my energy has always been higher than average; I feel this compulsion to write.
Next post I will maybe tell a little of my life story.....just because it is always good to remember.
Imbolc always meant more to me than the lighting of candles. The phrase "in the belly" brings up all sorts of sexual, reproductive connotations about swelling, pregnant, bellies that resulted from passionate sexual enjoyment. (I HAD to start right off with the sex stuff, didn't I?) It is the dark of winter, when people have less light and babies are made. Just the thought of all that coupling in the dark and all that life force flowing makes me want to DO something or make something or create something. So, now that I am no longer doing childbearing, (though menopause has yet to start, damn!) I am still a creative person and my energy has always been higher than average; I feel this compulsion to write.
Next post I will maybe tell a little of my life story.....just because it is always good to remember.
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