Some people seem content with their lives and themselves for the most part and others seem to have an inner restlessness and neediness.
When I was growing up, my brother and I were very different. I was happy with what I had, with the attention I got from our parents and with life in general for the most part. He was never satisfied with what he got, with the attention he was given and with his life in general. This made him restless, jealous, unhappy and malcontent all the time. If our mother gave us two cookies, I was happy to get two cookies but he argued for more. If she spent time with him and gave him attention, he needed more. He needed so much that she often felt exhausted by his needs and said that out loud.
This is not totally a learned trait. I know this because I see it in my own children. One is a lot like my brother; no matter how much attention or things she gets, she seems to need more. The other is contented and happy with herself and her life. I fear the first will never be happy. People like that are never satisfied no matter how much they have or how much attention they get. There are arguments which say that such people are the ones who do great things because they are not content with things as they are. Perhaps that is so but at what personal, happiness price do they accomplish such things?
As a parent, I wish happiness for my children. Of course I know they will not be happy all the time but what parent would wish to sit back and see their child suffer unhappiness? I cannot do anything about it but I wish there were some way to help.
Some people are not malcontent but ADD. ADD causes people to be restless and always seeking novelty to reduce boredom.
Malcontents and ADD folks not only feel unhappy, they often induce unhappiness in others. When a malcontent or ADD person marries a contented, non-ADD person, there can be problems. The malcontent/ADD may desire location changes a lot or job changes or partner changes. This causes a lot of misery for the contented partner and the children because children need stability.
Too often, a malcontent/ADD person marries a contented person because opposites attract and the contented person is not as likely to leave or cheat. The contented person ends up hurt because the malcontent/ADD person never seems satisfied no matter what the contented person is or does. It is really important for the contented person to realize that it isn't them; they cannot make their malcomtented/ADD partner happy.
Malcontents and ADD people have to be made responsible for their actions; especially those which are harmful to others such as cheating. The old "if you love me you will let me" is bullshit and the worst kind of emotional manipulation. Using ADD or malcontent as an excuse is not healthy. People get hurt, children get damaged and the malcontent/ADD person should be able to consider others' needs as well as their own and work for balance.
Our society helps induce a sense of malcontent. The media plays a role in this because people are told they would be happier if they bought this product or lived this lifestyle when in fact, the opposite is usually true. We are surrounded by messages that tell us we never have enough; enough money, time, attention, sex, love, house, prestige, etc. So even if a person is not genetically malcontent or ADD, they still may act like that due to social conditioning which was designed to sell products and promote consumption.
This way of socializing people begins in childhood and is a non-stop bombardment throughout life. Between this bombardment and the social message that the individual is all-important (as opposed to the group or family); we have become a culture of malcontents. The fallout is that our children are damaged and unhappy.
Whether it is from genetics or socialization, the malcontent has to stop or at least be managed better. Our families, relationships, and especially our kids need a better way to live.
When I was growing up, my brother and I were very different. I was happy with what I had, with the attention I got from our parents and with life in general for the most part. He was never satisfied with what he got, with the attention he was given and with his life in general. This made him restless, jealous, unhappy and malcontent all the time. If our mother gave us two cookies, I was happy to get two cookies but he argued for more. If she spent time with him and gave him attention, he needed more. He needed so much that she often felt exhausted by his needs and said that out loud.
This is not totally a learned trait. I know this because I see it in my own children. One is a lot like my brother; no matter how much attention or things she gets, she seems to need more. The other is contented and happy with herself and her life. I fear the first will never be happy. People like that are never satisfied no matter how much they have or how much attention they get. There are arguments which say that such people are the ones who do great things because they are not content with things as they are. Perhaps that is so but at what personal, happiness price do they accomplish such things?
As a parent, I wish happiness for my children. Of course I know they will not be happy all the time but what parent would wish to sit back and see their child suffer unhappiness? I cannot do anything about it but I wish there were some way to help.
Some people are not malcontent but ADD. ADD causes people to be restless and always seeking novelty to reduce boredom.
Malcontents and ADD folks not only feel unhappy, they often induce unhappiness in others. When a malcontent or ADD person marries a contented, non-ADD person, there can be problems. The malcontent/ADD may desire location changes a lot or job changes or partner changes. This causes a lot of misery for the contented partner and the children because children need stability.
Too often, a malcontent/ADD person marries a contented person because opposites attract and the contented person is not as likely to leave or cheat. The contented person ends up hurt because the malcontent/ADD person never seems satisfied no matter what the contented person is or does. It is really important for the contented person to realize that it isn't them; they cannot make their malcomtented/ADD partner happy.
Malcontents and ADD people have to be made responsible for their actions; especially those which are harmful to others such as cheating. The old "if you love me you will let me" is bullshit and the worst kind of emotional manipulation. Using ADD or malcontent as an excuse is not healthy. People get hurt, children get damaged and the malcontent/ADD person should be able to consider others' needs as well as their own and work for balance.
Our society helps induce a sense of malcontent. The media plays a role in this because people are told they would be happier if they bought this product or lived this lifestyle when in fact, the opposite is usually true. We are surrounded by messages that tell us we never have enough; enough money, time, attention, sex, love, house, prestige, etc. So even if a person is not genetically malcontent or ADD, they still may act like that due to social conditioning which was designed to sell products and promote consumption.
This way of socializing people begins in childhood and is a non-stop bombardment throughout life. Between this bombardment and the social message that the individual is all-important (as opposed to the group or family); we have become a culture of malcontents. The fallout is that our children are damaged and unhappy.
Whether it is from genetics or socialization, the malcontent has to stop or at least be managed better. Our families, relationships, and especially our kids need a better way to live.
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