Back to the Goddess

Are you feeling it? That connection to the universe, the goddess, the god, the divine? That unexplainable shift in consciousness that takes your heart and soul away from every day life into a realm wherein you feel SO much. It is deep, weepy, emotional, sensitive, expansive and quiet. I t is the darkness and the warmth of the earth. The deep night skies and the flowing waters.

In my every day life I do not feel it most times but sometimes, some days, I feel it intensely and this is one of those days.

Love, passion, inexplicable energy. I miss the days when I was unattached and unencumbered so that I could just go out and touch this and hang out with others who felt the same and do ritual. I miss those times.

This depth of feeling can cause me to be out of touch with my daily requirements and the shift to that otherness makes it hard to be real in the here and now.

In "the Mists of Avalon" the character expresses that longing she has when she is separated from Avalon and the Goddess. I miss those times back when I was in my 20's and I could just go with a group of women and dance; spiraling in ecstasy and joy as one with the universe. Marriage and children have kept me busy and I live in my Virgo rising mostly so I usually remain efficient, rational, the worker. Today, with the cloudy, rainy skies I am feeling that shift, that calling again and it weighs on my heart.

Those who have felt that calling know the heaviness, the deep feelings that are so much they well over and spill out in tears and reverence. I feel Her and She calls to me for the first time in YEARS. I had forgotten this feeling. In the rush of life, the responsibilities of family and marriage I had forgotten Her touch but today She calls me and I am overwhelmed. I am, again, one with the universe and all is well.

What is a need and what is a want?

There's so much talk about  needs and wants.  Yet when people try to define the difference, it seems difficult to do like trying to catch the smoke off a campfire.  


I cannot define it for anyone else.  I do know that time, astrological events, age, and hormones can change needs and wants.  


The Uranus opposition seems to be a time when people feel insecure and need extra reassurance that they are not old, that they are still desirable, that they are still amazing (like they felt when they were younger).  Yet that need dissipates as the opposition ends.  So is it really a need or a temporary want? 


Very hard to say for sure.


The Chiron return (often coupled with the hormonal surges of menopause for women) is also a time of deep insecurity.  The women I have spoken to who (like myself ) are past that,   all say they went through a lot of insecurity then.  Just when their hormones are really high (and their libido is high to match) they are looking older and no longer able to get the male attention they so want.  Chiron also digs up lots of issues which can cause added insecurity until these issues are dealt with.  A lot of women who relied on their physical looks suddenly feel the loss as age creeps up on them and unless they developed their inner selves somewhere along the way, they feel a crisis of confidence and think they need someone (or several  someones) to pay more attention to them.  Many of these women had affairs with younger men or added men to their lives even though their partners were not happy about it.  Several of them, as the hormones died down and the Chiron return ended, wondered why they had done these actions and felt like they messed up the good thing they had.  Was theirs a need or a want if it was temporary and based on hormones and Chiron returning? 


Isn't it hard to know the answer to that?  It IS  hard and no one  can define it but the people going through it. Yet it is as they are going through it that they are least able to be objective about it.


All I know is, sometimes we confuse needs and wants to the point that we hurt ourselves and others.  That is when knowing the difference between these and the astrological (and hormonal) events can help.  Having someone past that time also helps; they can help us see that there is a time limit to the feelings ans that the feelings will be a lot less intense as time goes on.


If you know that feeling of insecurity is temporary (as it often is during the Uranus opposition and the Chiron return and menopause) then it would make sense to be cautious and not do drastic things which could harm yourself or another.  


A woman I knew turned 40 and left her family, took her young child with her, and went out of the country to a foreign one to have a mad affair with a married man.  It destroyed the whole family and burning her bridges like that made coming back home (when the boyfriend sent her away) so much harder.  What she felt was a need was fleeting;  after the Uranus opposition settled down, the intense desire (what she thought was a need) left her;  she realized the fall-out and has lived with deep regrets and the loss of relationships with two of her adult children.  

So it pays to think really hard about needs and wants during certain times of our lives.  The Saturn return (around ages 27-30), the Uranus opposition (around ages 38-42) and the Chiron return (around ages 50-51) all cause some feelings of change and insecurity (the latter two especially).  Menopause does as well for women.  It is wise to be very careful at those times and ask ourselves, "If this feeling passes, will I still want what I think I need?  Why do I think I need this at this time?"  If it is at any of those pivotal times, it would be best to proceed with caution.  Get opinions from people who are a few years older; they are not in the middle of the feelings and as such are a lot more objective.