I don't get it.....

I was doing pretty well Friday through yesterday.  Today, I took my son to the art class he now has with the homeschool group. The room was this depressing little room in the back of a scrapbooking store.  The ladies there were ones I have known before but I felt out of synch and out of sorts.  I can't put my finger on it but I just felt like I was alone again.  Even my remaining friend seemed odd Friday.  She told me all her troubles but when I mentioned mine, she seemed to withdraw a bit. I think it is because she is overwhelmed right now.   It was weird because it was just her and I and Preston at the park...I miss the company of the others.  I am feeling isolated and I didn't used to mind it so much.  It is hard to describe this feeling.  It is as though I was part of this community, part of this group, and now that my friend has left, I am not?  I just don't get it.  Why is it bothering me so much to be moving back to existing with  "just the family"  like I was before last year's foray into the group activity stuff? 

I feel like I can't make connections anymore because I think we will be moving away and things have changed here so much.  I was thinking about that yesterday;  we can't sled on the  practice field anymore.  The aquaplex pool is saying no more shirts in the pool suddenly.  The train horns stopped.  People seem to be withdrawing and not as friendly anymore to me.  I was this happy, expansive person with a lot of energy and now I feel like a deflated balloon.  My son is crying more often, the kids are sniping at each other more, I feel lethargic and not wanting to do school or lessons with Preston.  I have good days but then I have a day like today  where all I wanted to  do is go outside somewhere and cry.  I think this limbo about not knowing where we will end up living is getting to all of us, as though we are all just marking time until we know what we are doing.  It is like the contentment I had about being here  has gone and I don't know how to get it back. 

I feel bad, too because I have not been the best homeschool Mom.  I feel like I am not teaching my kids enough and it mostly stems from the lack of time I have because of these time-eating college classes.  I am thankful it is not a job that I have to go to on someone else's time but it still eats up way too much of my time.  I never seem to be able to have the time I wanted to have with my kids.  Two of them will be 18 this year and I feel like that time went past too fast.