Monday, March 7, 2016

Eclipse in Pisces 2016

This IS uncomfortable. Damn but a lot is going on in Pisces and I AM a Pisces.

Just this morning I started listening to my favorite part of a Constance Denby album and burst into tears. I read that this time astrologically (because of the eclipse and because eclipses can be a defining line of going in one direction and then changing directions) I need to be deciding where I need to be going. It hit me that all the craziness that is my country has taken a toll on me emotionally and, dare I say it, psychically. I feel as though we are all under constant attack, attack of our femaleness, attack of our stability, attack of our kindness and integrity, attack on our sexuality, attack on our humanity.  This constant and palpable fear that so many others carry around is enormously emotionally taxing on sensitive, watery Pisces. I have been ignoring it (just as everyone else seems to be ignoring the insanity that is our country and world) and today it is as if all that welled up and overflowed in me. Reliving my family of origin life has opened that box I have kept locked and the hurt, pain, fear, sadness, is awful.

This way we have been living is so cognitively dissonant that it has become the norm, much like the occupation and terrorism a divided nation lives under until the people would rather keep the pain they know than to step out into a scary unknown and change. It is like being an abused child where the abuse seems never ending and there seems to be no way to cope but to pretend it isn't happening until the pretense cannot hold any longer because the abuse is just so horrible and you dissolve into mush under the weight of it.

The trauma is horrible and who is really talking about it? Oh people say we need change but who is really addressing the trauma that our nation is causing both here and abroad? This morning I felt that trauma like a huge weight and it made me leak it out in wracking sobs.

We have become a nation of the wounded walking abused;  survival is our aim  and pretense our panacea.

I want to go away; to a place where people are kinder, living without fear. Where people are SANE instead of insane. Where religion is kept private, as it should be and individual instead of as a hammer to beat others. Where people will understand me and not shun me. Where being wise, sensitive, insightful, compassionate and caring is not marginalized, where "different" people are welcomed and embraced. Where people  actively try to be kind to one another.  Once again, I feel like that child screaming that the emperor is naked and like Cassandra of Troy, no one, NO ONE wants to hear what I am saying.

Alas, is there any place on earth where that is still possible?