As an adult Army Brat who traveled a lot and moved every few years, I never got to keep friends much. This is something all Global Nomads have in common. We also don't feel like we fit into any country because we have internalized several.
So I was wondering what the idea of friendship means to me. I have never really sat down and thought about it but I have a small idea what I think it means. Problem is, I have no idea if my idea is what it really means to most people or if it is too needy or too detached or just wrong. I figured I would start with what I am willing to give to a friend and work from there.
I like giving friends my honesty, at least if it doesn't hurt them. I would try to be as honest about how I feel about them as I can. That way, they never have to wonder or guess what I feel about them. If the friend is a really close one, I want to give them my time, my assistance, my ear to listen, any useful information I may have that could help them (unless it sounds like advice; that may be unwanted) and my physical presence. That means spending actual physically-there time with them because I know some people like to actually BE with their friends instead of only relating via the phone or internet. I want to be accepting and compassionate, non judging, and easy to talk to. I want to be sympathetic when they need it and be a supportive person when they are going through tough times.
What do I want in return? I guess the same as I am willing to give. I want most of all honesty, consistency, and a willingness to make an effort to keep the friendship going. I know people are busy and I don't get upset if they cannot spend all their time with me but if we live near each other, why shouldn't we spend time together? I also don't want the terms of the friendship to be always my way or always their way; we have to compromise on things.
So I was wondering what the idea of friendship means to me. I have never really sat down and thought about it but I have a small idea what I think it means. Problem is, I have no idea if my idea is what it really means to most people or if it is too needy or too detached or just wrong. I figured I would start with what I am willing to give to a friend and work from there.
I like giving friends my honesty, at least if it doesn't hurt them. I would try to be as honest about how I feel about them as I can. That way, they never have to wonder or guess what I feel about them. If the friend is a really close one, I want to give them my time, my assistance, my ear to listen, any useful information I may have that could help them (unless it sounds like advice; that may be unwanted) and my physical presence. That means spending actual physically-there time with them because I know some people like to actually BE with their friends instead of only relating via the phone or internet. I want to be accepting and compassionate, non judging, and easy to talk to. I want to be sympathetic when they need it and be a supportive person when they are going through tough times.
What do I want in return? I guess the same as I am willing to give. I want most of all honesty, consistency, and a willingness to make an effort to keep the friendship going. I know people are busy and I don't get upset if they cannot spend all their time with me but if we live near each other, why shouldn't we spend time together? I also don't want the terms of the friendship to be always my way or always their way; we have to compromise on things.
The biggest thing I want is integrity. This means that if we are dealing with each other, we need to have integrity in how we interact. Wikipedia defines integrity as:
"Integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions. Integrity can be regarded as the opposite of hypocrisy, in that it regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs.
The word "integrity" stems from the Latin adjective integer (whole, complete). In this context, integrity is the inner sense of "wholeness" deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such, one may judge that others "have integrity" to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold.
A value system's abstraction depth and range of applicable interaction may also function as significant factors in identifying integrity due to their congruence or lack of congruence with observation. A value system may evolve over time while retaining integrity if those who espouse the values account for and resolve inconsistencies. In a formal study of the term "integrity" and its meaning in modern ethics, law professor Stephen L. Carter sees integrity not only as a refusal to engage in behavior that evades responsibility, but also as an understanding of different modes or styles in which discourse attempts to uncover a particular truth.
Carter writes that integrity requires three steps: "discerning what is right and what is wrong; acting on what you have discerned, even at personal cost; and saying openly that you are acting on your understanding of right from wrong." He regards integrity as being distinct from honesty."
I include integrity because when relating to people, if you seem to act a certain way and someone asks you about that, you need to be honest with yourself and them and own up to your actions. In friendships, this is as imperative as it is in any close relationship.
Are these things too much to ask from someone? Are these not friendship things?
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