All my life I have heard and read that women find intimacy in romance and men find intimacy in sex. I used to feel bad because as a woman, I seemed to be twisted around so that I found intimacy in both. None of the women I talked to or had friendships with ever said they craved sex when they craved intimacy. I felt weird, odd, and abnormal. Was I part male? Did I have a male brain? My problems with irregular menses and infertility and even having dreams in which I was the man making love to a woman all made me wonder. I am also so logical like men are said to be; I hate shopping and dislike a lot of the typically feminine things most women revel in like girls' nights out. Yet in direct proportion to all that; I have always been deeply feminine, deeply romantic, happily submissive. On one hand, I used to openly initiate sexual encounters but once in the bedroom, I became a willing, active, inventive, but very submissive participant.
I was raised that for women to say they want sex is to be too demanding; my experience in relationships with men showed me that many men say they want a demanding woman but when faced with one, they get terrified that they will not be able to "perform" to her satisfaction. I got really good at not asking for sex or saying I wanted it; even my husband in the early part of our marriage had denied me when I openly asked to the point where I never initiated anymore. I had a breakthrough a few weeks ago; I was wanting sex and intimacy with my husband but was afraid to ask for it. I got up the courage to ask for it and somehow he sensed that this was a huge leap on my part into deep waters and he complied. It was amazing and close and memorable; every inch of our bodies was touching in the front. He seemed to be more willing because he said it didn't feel like a demand but more like a vulnerable request. Where open demands got me refusal, an honest vulnerable request got me some of the best sex I have had in a long time.
It is time for me to speak out and say that some women also find intimacy in sex. As I work hard week after week, eventually I need to connect with my husband and not just by talking; I want to touch him, hold him, have sex with him, feel him deep inside me. I need that deep connection sex gives and the vulnerability we share in it. Something tells me there are far more women like me than ever admit it. Instead, too many women make men feel bad because they (men) want sex for intimacy while women want cuddling and romance. Well men like cuddling and romance and talking too; my husband is proof of that. After being so busy week after week that we haven't had much time for each other, he and I take time for slow and emotional sex and cuddling and talking.
For the most part, I am a very self-sufficient person and I operate in confidence. Yet there are times when I feel emotionally needy and vulnerable and he knows that making love to me is exactly what I need at those times. I am a kinesthetic person; I need touch to feel secure.
Ladies, it is time to be open about what we really feel and need. Be honest about sexuality. It is a lot better when we are honest with ourselves and others. We just might actually save some young adult the shame and fear that I went through because I didn't know that I was not alone in my feelings. It is OK for women to like sex, to crave it for intimacy, to enjoy it and to actively ask for it.
I was raised that for women to say they want sex is to be too demanding; my experience in relationships with men showed me that many men say they want a demanding woman but when faced with one, they get terrified that they will not be able to "perform" to her satisfaction. I got really good at not asking for sex or saying I wanted it; even my husband in the early part of our marriage had denied me when I openly asked to the point where I never initiated anymore. I had a breakthrough a few weeks ago; I was wanting sex and intimacy with my husband but was afraid to ask for it. I got up the courage to ask for it and somehow he sensed that this was a huge leap on my part into deep waters and he complied. It was amazing and close and memorable; every inch of our bodies was touching in the front. He seemed to be more willing because he said it didn't feel like a demand but more like a vulnerable request. Where open demands got me refusal, an honest vulnerable request got me some of the best sex I have had in a long time.
It is time for me to speak out and say that some women also find intimacy in sex. As I work hard week after week, eventually I need to connect with my husband and not just by talking; I want to touch him, hold him, have sex with him, feel him deep inside me. I need that deep connection sex gives and the vulnerability we share in it. Something tells me there are far more women like me than ever admit it. Instead, too many women make men feel bad because they (men) want sex for intimacy while women want cuddling and romance. Well men like cuddling and romance and talking too; my husband is proof of that. After being so busy week after week that we haven't had much time for each other, he and I take time for slow and emotional sex and cuddling and talking.
For the most part, I am a very self-sufficient person and I operate in confidence. Yet there are times when I feel emotionally needy and vulnerable and he knows that making love to me is exactly what I need at those times. I am a kinesthetic person; I need touch to feel secure.
Ladies, it is time to be open about what we really feel and need. Be honest about sexuality. It is a lot better when we are honest with ourselves and others. We just might actually save some young adult the shame and fear that I went through because I didn't know that I was not alone in my feelings. It is OK for women to like sex, to crave it for intimacy, to enjoy it and to actively ask for it.
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